Hey, we’re celebrating 30 years of "Joni and Friends"!
Hi, this is Joni Eareckson Tada and over the last three decades of airing this program, I’ve given a lot of advice about living with a disability. And today I’ve got a little more advice for you…
Because so many folks write our ministry asking what to say – or what not to say – to let’s say a new mother who gives birth to a child with special needs, say Down syndrome or spina bifida. Now there has been a lot written about things not to say. But I decided to jot down ten short positive, encouraging things you might want to say. Okay? So! You just learned through the church grapevine that your friend gave birth to an infant with disabilities – it’s a scary time for her. So, what are some good things to remember to say?
How about this: How about first saying to her, “You know you have a group of friends – me included – who are not going to let you go through this alone. We are here for you!” Oh, I like that one! And, #2: Tell her, “I would love to have a picture of your new baby – I think it'll be a good reminder to pray for him.” Or #3: You can always offer this encouragement and say, “You know, friend, if you're going to be busy for a while with extra hospital appointments, let me pick up your kids from school and run a few errands for you – it'll be a pleasure.” And 4th: You can never go wrong taking her to lunch and telling her, “Take a deep breath, friend, your capacity to embrace challenges hasn't failed you yet; you will get through this!” Sometimes hurting people just need a friend to cast a vision for a brighter, more hopeful future. So just step up to the plate and let her know that you have every confidence that she will make it; she’ll get through this; she can do it, by the grace of God.
And #5: Cast a little more hopeful vision and tell your friend, “You know, I am picturing the day when you'll look back on this moment, and smile – not in spite of the challenges, but because of them.” And #6: It is a wise thing to say, “Friend, do not even think about a year from now, or even six months from now. Just take one day at a time – you know as well as I it's the best way to live no matter what the disappointment.” And that is so true, whether it’s a disability, or some other discouragement. Take one day at a time!
And #7: If a friend you know just learned her child has been diagnosed with a disability, say to her, “I want you to know our church is a welcoming place for children with special needs – and I want you to know that with us, you will be supported!” (Oh, and listening friend, a side note here: if your church isn’t a welcoming place, and has a long way to go when it comes to inclusion, then contact joniandfriends.org. We’ve got lots of resources for you).
What is #8? How about: “May I go along with you to the next hospital appointment for your baby? I just want to be there with you.” And you can’t go wrong with #9: Tell her, “I'm going to gather some of our friends together to pray so could you just give me five things we can take to God on your behalf?” And finally, #10: Feel free to tell your friend that “Any disability is a scary thing at first, but I want to work alongside you to find the best resources available!”
And friend I can tell you something else you can do: Visit my radio page today at joniandfriends.org and ask for the CD that contains the best of our "Joni and Friends" radio programs. Give it to your friend who just learned that her child has a disability. The insights will be refreshing, and the encouragements, well… it’ll remind her that God cares; it’ll remind her of Hebrews 13:6, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.” See you later today at joniandfriends.org. Until next time I’m Joni Eareckson Tada and you are listening to Joni and Friends.
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