JONI: The last time we got together, Al, I listened to you talking to my husband, Ken, about serving the Lord by helping out me, his handicapped wife! Now we both know that I have some wonderful girlfriends who help me get up in the morning, right, Ken?
KEN: We sure do Joni, but sometimes it’s still not easy because some of those ladies – their schedules don’t mesh and sometimes they have to move away, or they get sick so, you have to deal with that…
JONI: It’s not easy. We’ve got to look for help. We’ve got to train somebody new to come into the bedroom and learn my get up routine. And that’s not easy! Helping a quadriplegic is a lot of work. More than that, Ken, it can be some psychological pressure.
KEN: Well, you know Joni, the advantage I have is that I married into a disability… but many of the couples we come in contact with have the disability after they’ve been married.
JONI: Right, that’s the hardest, isn’t it?
KEN: It is the hardest. Especially when you think that a caregiver is always thinking of that other person… but I think the one piece of advice that I could give someone in that similar situation is: Don’t be afraid to ask for help… and more importantly, accept the help with a grateful spirit!
JONI: What kinds of help?
KEN: Well, it could be financial help… it could be picking up things at the market… having someone stay with your disabled family member while you get a break…
JONI: That’s a good idea!
KEN: Uh huh, and, have friends come visit and spend time with that family member… Galatians 6:2-3 says, “Share each other's troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only fooling yourself.”
JONI: That’s a great verse! Got any other advice for caregivers of family members with a disability?
KEN: Well, I’d say, don’t be ashamed or embarrassed about getting away for a couple of days!
JONI: You know some people do feel ashamed about getting a break, don’t they?
KEN: They sure do! But, you know, I think for guys (I can speak for guys) it’s important to spend some times with other guys in fellowship.
JONI: At a church men’s retreat or, if it’s a wife, a women’s retreat.
KEN: Or even going on a fishing trip; fellowshipping together…being able to share your heart.
JONI: Attending a conference or visiting some friend in another city. There’s a quotation that goes, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” So, take a couple of breaks from one another.
KEN: Personally I know you’re always looking out for me, even though you’re the disabled person, you’re always looking out for my needs.
JONI: Yes, Ken! Please! Go fishing! (Laugh). How about some more advice?
KEN: Well, I’d say, encourage your disabled family member to do as much as he can for himself or herself.
JONI: Yes, that’s important. You often quote that verse from Colossians chapter 4, right?
KEN: You mean the one, 4:17 that says, "See to it that you complete the work you have received in the Lord."
JONI: That’s right. Everybody can take some responsibility for himself, even if that person has a severe disability.
KEN: Yeah, and you know Joni, we work at this as a partnership. You know I may go pick up the medical supplies for you, but you’re the one that orders them.
JONI: Right. Now you’ve got one more piece of advice, and it’s a very important piece, right?
KEN: Well, I think that this is probably the one underlying piece of advice that’s most important; and, that is, let your church know about your prayer needs.
JONI: Oh, that’s so good!
KEN: Also, along with that, Joni, in 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 which says, “… we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.”
JONI: Prayer provides energy, it provides perspective, and best of all, it provides hope and it glorifies Jesus. Many more people – both the young and old – are living with severe disabilities, and they are living at home. And it will put special demands on the family, but it will also bring out the best in the family… or it could bring out the worst, if that family chooses to go it alone. So, we’re going to go through this one more time, ask for help, right, Ken?
KEN: Right!
JONI: Take breaks.
KEN: Encourage responsibility.
JONI: And, let your church know what’s going on so they can be praying – it will be a stronger family (that will mean deeper character) and a demonstration of what Christian compassion really is all about. Good on ya Ken!
KEN: Thank you, Joni.
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