Part of being a good friend means listening well – take time out of your day to listen to a struggling friend. Instead of jumping in with your opinion, just listen.
Hi, I’m Joni Eareckson Tada and I love a friend who listens.
Okay, no naming names here, but a few years ago when I was needing extra help in my battle against cancer, when Ken and I realized we were in need of an extra helper during my chemotherapy – you know, just somebody to get me through the nausea, help me with getting to appointments, cleaning routines around the house – anyway, a friend stepped in the gap to help out. To this day, I am ever so grateful for this precious one who lent a hand, even if it was only temporary. We couldn’t have done it without her. But I cannot really say that we became closer friends through the whole ordeal. I was so grateful for her help, but, well, whenever I would confess my weakness, she had an answer. I would describe a sad feeling, and it was a cue for her to talk about her own feelings. I would express a need, and she would ramble on about her own needs. After a while, I stopped sharing my struggles. I was happy, I was grateful to have her help me in bed at night or change a dressing or Lysol wipe all our doorknobs, but I just let it remain at that.
Proverbs 18:13 says that, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” Another translation puts it this way: “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.” Just like those three friends of Job – it was not that they failed to be patient. They failed to hear what Job was saying and to trust God for the right response. Sitting with a hurting friend is humbling and it should stir compassion in your soul. And the best expression of true compassion – first, just listen and hear what that hurting individual is saying. Pastor Garrett Higbee, in his booklet “Helping a Hurting Friend,” puts it this way. He says, “When someone shares a struggle, most of us have a tendency to jump right [in] to giving our opinion… but stating the obvious abruptly or without humility or having an established rapport will rarely produce the desired results.” If someone’s going through a really hard time – such as I was when I was in that fierce battle against cancer – be careful not to share opinions, or to talk about yourself, or to give advice when the situation simply calls for empathy, for a listening ear, for prayer and a caring heart.
Proverbs tells us that a friend loves at all times. And what does that love look like? Well, let me read from 1 Corinthians 13 in the Phillips paraphrase. It says, “This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience—it looks for a way of being constructive. It is not possessive: it is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance. Love has good manners and does not pursue [a] selfish advantage. It is not touchy… Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything.”
You know, I’ll always be thankful for the practical hands-on support I was given during my cancer battle. And yes, I’ll always be grateful for those friends who sat with me in the chemo clinic and, well, they just listened, prayed. Friends who did not fill the space with empty words, but were just there. Want to learn more about helping a friend like that when they are struggling? Then go to joniradio.org and ask for your free copy of “Helping a Hurting Friend.” It’s yours for the asking at joniradio.org. Oh, and one more thing. Thank you for the many ways that you listen and help your hurting friends. Tell us about that at joniradio.org. God bless you today, and thanks for listening!
© Joni and Friends