Hi, I’m Joni Eareckson Tada, and thanks so much for spending the next few minutes with me.
You know here on Joni and Friends I’m always hoping I can share something, some word of encouragement that will lift your heart today, because we all need those bolstering words, right?
That powerful truth was driven home when I was first injured and I was so depressed. No, rather, I was despairing! Somewhere after a full year of lying paralyzed on my hospital bed, somewhere after my bleak prognosis drained every ounce of hope out of me – even anger was drained out of me – actual despair began settling in. I refused to go to physical therapy. I didn’t want to see any visitors, and when my parents would come into my hospital room, I turned my head on the pillow the other way. I was numb – completely numb, emotionally. I did not feel anything.
One of the nurse’s aids, a black woman named Hazel from Mississippi, noticed that I was slipping away emotionally. She knew I had taken a liking to her and she would amble into my room, pull up a chair, and take her cigarette breaks by my bedside (I’m not advocating that nurse’s aids do that now, or that anybody do that around a quadriplegic with bad lungs; but back then, in the late 60s, what can I say, that’s just the way it was). Anyway, Hazel would lean her elbow on my hospital bed, and she’d ask, “You want to tell me about it, honey?” I’d give her no reply. I didn’t want to talk. I also didn’t want to eat. Once when Hazel was feeding me dinner, I dribbled half-chewed food out of the side of my mouth and that was it! Hazel slammed down the spoon, peas scattered, and she virtually shouted at me, “Girl, what in the world are you doing?!” And my body reacted with a spasm. Hazel picked up a napkin and she forcefully wiped my mouth, then crumpled it and threw it on the tray. “You get yourself together, Miss Joni. Ain’t nothing wrong with you that a good look around this hospital won’t cure!”
I tell you what, my cheeks began to flush hot with embarrassment and I fought back tears. Hazel, right then, had roused within me deep feelings of resentment. I continued to eat, but not a word was spoken between us for the rest of the meal. When she left my room I tried to fight back tears and when I did I suddenly realized, “I’m feeling something.” Like a hibernating animal waking up, I realized I wasn’t emotionally numb anymore. And that night in the darkness I found myself crying out loud, “God, if I can’t die, then please show me how to live.” My prayer was short and to the point, but it left the door open for the Lord to respond. Little did I realize he would. Like Psalm 34 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and he saves those who are crushed in spirit.” That was me! And not long after that, I began to sense a stronger interest in the Bible. I couldn’t help it, because once I had opened my heart to God, once I had encountered him, his Spirit began to lift the despair.
I share this story and other stories and insights in a little booklet I wrote entitled “Anger Aimed in the Right Direction.” I mentioned it the last time we met, and so many people have asked for this booklet that I wanted to repeat the offer today. So visit me at joniandfriends.org, and ask for your free copy. I’ll send it to you right away. I just want you to gain from the lessons I learned out of despair – God will not allow us to wallow in despair; he will use maybe even somebody like Hazel to shake us up and challenge us to leave behind that despair and turn to him. Thank you, Hazel, for teaching me… teaching us all that lesson.
Used by permission of
JONI AND FRIENDS
P.O. Box 3333
Agoura Hills, CA 91376
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