In my Bible, page 717 is dog-eared and it’s a little dirty from years of use. That's because Psalm 51 is on that page and I often flip to that passage to wrap words around my remorse over sin.
You know, it used to bother me that I kept "beating myself up" about the sin in my life. I’d say to myself, "Joni, come on, lighten up already. Don't sweat the small stuff." It was as though the older I got in the Lord, the closer I got to him... the worse, at times, I would feel about my transgressions. I'd do something stupid, like watch an hour of really dumb TV, and I would feel so empty after I'd turn it off, and go, "Oh, God I am so sorry; I can't believe I did that... but I did; I hate that about myself!" I used to think that the intense and constant pain I felt over sin was a punishment from God – like, "Joni, see how angry I am with you about that? Will you never learn?!" But that’s not the way it is. No, remorse over sin is a sign of a softened conscience. A conscience that is sensitive – sometimes hypersensitive – to evil, even evil in the form of really dumb television. That kind of remove is a prologue to God's favor, not his anger.
So when I do something I know I shouldn't do... or shouldn’t watch, or think, or say something that's out of line... when I know I've sinned and I feel the sting of remorse, I do rush to page 717 in my Bible, Psalm 51. I go there for confession and comfort and encouragement. Especially verse 7 where it says, "Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." Now, I find that encouraging because I know that hyssop is an aromatic shrub with yellow flowers, and was used by the Hebrews during the first Passover. They used it to dipped the branch in blood and spread it on the doorposts. Also, in the Old Testament, priests would use hyssop to cleanse a leper from defilement, or cleanse those who may have touched a dead body. In the same way, when I pray, "purge me with hyssop," I'm asking God to rid my conscience of all that stuff I saw on television – you now, defilement, and restore me, would you God, to the privileges of fellowship with you. But the significance of hyssop doesn't stop there. For when you flail hyssop and strike it against something hard, it releases a sweet fragrance, a kind of perfume.
So, I invite the Lord to cleanse me with hyssop because... I don't need to beat myself up; I want God's Word to do that job. For when He flails His Word against my hardened conscience, a fragrant perfume of repentance rises to His throne. To me, that's not only confession, it's a comfort. It's a comfort because I know the blessing of sensing God's favor cannot be that far behind.
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JONI AND FRIENDS
P.O. Box 3333
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