Joni: Hi, I’m Joni Eareckson Tada with someone I'm excited for you to meet … I have on the phone today my friend Pat Verbal. Hi Pat and welcome to the program.
Pat: Hi, Joni. It’s nice to be here.
Joni: Now Pat, you write a lot about disabilities and ministry to special needs families because you serve as our manager of curriculum at “Joni and Friends,” but you don’t write from an academic ivory tower way up in the clouds; no, you write from experience. You write from the heart. Tell us about that.
Pat: Well, while I’ve been in education and ministry for many years, it wasn’t until I became full time with Joni and Friends that I really looked back and saw how God placed people with disability in my life. For many years, one of my best friends in high school had a sister with Down syndrome who followed us everywhere. My son in first grade had a best friend with cerebral palsy and he was always over to our house, and then later one of my dearest friends got MS and had that for 17 years. And in my own family my first grandchild had Down syndrome and then my other grandchildren, one has ADHD and dyslexia, so when it came to making special needs ministry a part of my full time vocation, God showed me how he really had been preparing me all the way along, and that was interesting.
Joni: Well, it sounds like you were already full time on disability issues what with so many friends and family members. And speaking of family members, someone in your family pretty close to you is living with a significant disability right now, right?
Pat: That’s right. My husband who was an aerospace engineer for many years with McDonnell Douglas, Boeing, Northrop, Lockheed-Martin, at the age of 68 began to show signs of memory loss and needed to leave his work because he wasn’t able to comprehend the new computer programs, which we just thought was odd. About a year later, my son who was an EMT and firefighter said, “Mom, something is wrong with Dad” and I began to keep a list of the things that I noticed that were showing signs of memory loss. I just prayed and asked God to show us, and it was about six months later my husband just came to me and said, “I have a disability and I need help.”
Joni: And that is when you received the diagnosis that he had Alzheimer’s.
Pat: Yes, we received the diagnosis just after being tested with both his family physician and his neurologist; and we just went away for the weekend to a little cabin in the woods and we prayed and talked to God and listened to worship music and decided we would just take one day at a time.
Joni: Wow! So what has been the biggest challenge of living with your husband with Alzheimer’s?
Pat: I believe it’s the constant change of not knowing what to expect next, and sometimes those changes come slowly and sometimes they come in a “crash course.” You just can’t believe how the dominos seem to be tumbling down, and the changes are pretty rapid. And for a long time I thought “this is something that is happening to my sweet husband and I need to help him.” And then as we got to the second and third stages and now into the later stages of Alzheimer’s, God made it so clear this is happening to me, and it’s for my growth and grace and character; and it’s the changes that are deepening in me that I’m paying close attention to these days.
Joni: Wow! That has to be one of the blessings of living with somebody who has Alzheimer’s. The changes it makes in you. The changes it makes in the family. Well, friend listening, I hope you have been inspired by this remarkable friend of mine on the phone living by her vows. In fact, that is the name of a booklet I would like to send you today. It is all about loving your spouse in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. If you know a family like Pat’s who is dealing with Alzheimer’s, I tell you this is a must read and you can pick up your copy of “Living by Vows” today by visiting my radio page at joniandfriends.org.
Bless you, Pat, and thank you for all you have done to support your husband, Stan, and we will be praying for him. And thanks for sharing from your heart.
Pat: Thank you for having me.
© Joni and Friends, 2013
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