How do you respond to those who don’t seem to understand the severity of your pain? It can be very difficult, but patience and willingness to explain without getting defensive are key.
Hey, all this week I’ve been offering a great little booklet on chronic pain!
Hi, I’m Joni Eareckson Tada, and given that it is National Pain Awareness Month, I’ll tell you one thing that I’m aware of: no one likes dealing with pain, and most of us are in big need of help when it comes to managing it effectively. It’s why this week I’ve been sharing how to keep pain from isolating and separating you from others. I’ve talked about finding your identity when you are in pain and not letting your pain define you. I’ve shared how to voice your suffering to God, and when you are in pain, how rehearsing the hope of the resurrection every day can actually brighten your outlook on the future. But today, I want to talk about how to respond to people, even well-meaning people, family, friends, who don’t understand how bad your pain really is. I mean, maybe you don’t show any outward signs of the severity of your pain. You aren’t on crutches; there’s no cane or cast; and unlike me, maybe you’re not in a wheelchair. So, okay, there’s no outward sign to let people know how much pain you’re really in. You look normal to others and that can create a distance, even a disconnect, between you and the people around you.
So, let me go right to this little booklet on chronic pain I have here and read what the author, Michael Emlet, has to say. Michael’s a family physician and a faculty member of the Christian Counseling Education Foundation. And this is what Dr. Emlet says. He writes, “How often have you heard in one way or another, ‘C’mon, it can’t be that bad, can it? Just trust God to give you strength, and then step out in faith?’ There are many temptations you face when others respond to you like this. Probably you [find yourself] withdrawing in hopelessness, thinking, ‘They’ll never understand, so why bother?’ Or [you find yourself] going on an angry offensive; ‘How dare you lecture me about something you know nothing about!’ … or, you are ‘living as a stoic, compartmentalizing your experience of chronic pain (as if that were possible).’ Ask God to help you avoid the extremes of self-indulgence or stoicism. Chronic pain is not your identity – either to be nursed in silent hopelessness or defended in anger. But it is part of how God is shaping you as a person, and so it must shape in some way your interaction with others.”
Well, then Dr. Emlet goes on to give some suggestions that can help you foster a deeper understanding between you and others who do not share your experience of chronic pain. You can learn to answer questions in a non-defensive way; you can take an honest inventory of how much your pain dominates your conversations with others. Man, I know from experience, it really can wheedle its way into your time with other people. Best of all, you can get your focus off yourself by inquiring about the struggles of others; find out about their experiences of pain. You can ask, you can listen, and you can pray. These are all good ways to cultivate an understanding between you and others who just don’t resonate with your experience. You know, I could share a lot more on this subject…
And I would love to have you read about it for yourself, especially if you deal daily with chronic pain. So let me send you this really great resource by Dr. Emlet. It’s called “Chronic Pain: Living by Faith When Your Body Hurts.” Its insights, man, I have found them in my own life to be so practical, so please get your gift! Visit joniradio.org and ask for our booklet on pain. It’s all yours for the asking today at joniradio.org.
© Joni and Friends